Anyway, before that-day-on-which-we-celebrate-moms-&-motherhood escapes into distant memory, I want to share a blog post I ran across on facebook: Bravewriter: On Being a Mother
I thought this was such an excellent post that really, all it needs from me is a big "Amen!" and a sit down. But you know me better than that.....right? Bwahahahahaaaa! Well, I'd hate to disappoint you, so here are my $.02:
I get it. Motherhood has been under-appreciated in this society. I have five active kids--believe me, I understand first-hand! The "developed" world devalues and despises the business of motherhood almost as much as it hates the "inconvenience" of children!
Think about that for a second: the baby gear industry is HUGE, but how much of it is specifically designed to deal with the supposed "nuisance and aggravation" that is part and parcel of dealing with kids? Babies are seen as messy/heavy/noisy/high-maintenance/hard to understand/unpredictable/frustrating.....and the only chance of survival you really have is if you buy all this gear! And read all these books! And take this class! And take your baby to this playgroup! And all of it--every single bit--designed to undermine your confidence, your God-given instinct to nurture your baby, body mind and soul. Just to sell outlet covers and vibrating bouncy seats with flashy lights.
...
*blink, blink*
But I digress. (seems that maybe there might be a whole 'nother post lurking in there somewhere. Ahh, so many soapboxes, so little time!)
Now, where were we?
Ah yes, motherhood = devalued. And I think that may well be why so many mothers complain about the "sacrifice" involved. Because if something appears hard and requires much sacrifice and mopping of the brow and fretting and--yes, money--well then *obviously* that means it is valuable and worthwhile! So we "remind" people that mothering is a job. A HARD job. A 24/7/365 job. And what's at stake is our child's psyche! And our sanity, but of course we don't mind giving that up, not for our kids! However, we DO want you to know Just. Exactly. How. Much. It. Hurts! I'm guilty too--to my great shame. Oh, the countless hours of sleep I've bragged about losing! The soul-wearying, non-stop bickering I've had to endure! The lack of adult conversation for Weeks! On! End! And how long since I read a real book and had a bath (or even a trip to the toilet) without a child at my heels or crying at the door!
Woe is me! (Can you pretty please picture me with my hand thrown ever-so-delicately against my moist brow as I faint oh-so-gently against a velvet sofa? Please do picture it....I've always longed to have a perfectly gorgeous fainting scene, but the reality is I'm too sturdy for that nonsense!)
Beautiful....just beautiful!
A mother I know recently stated that she had always intended to get a certain degree and further her career "but getting married and having kids got in the way." I was once introduced to a mom at a mommy group who said, "I'm Pam, and before I had kids I was a veterinarian."*
We long for recognition. We long for someone to see our value. We long for others to think, "she is so smart/talented/creative, she could have done_________ with her life, but she chose instead to give it all up to be a mother." We think that displaying our sacrifice--how much we've "lost" for our children--is the same as displaying our love and commitment to them.
We fear.
We fear that when our children are finally grown and forging lives for themselves, we will have nothing left, no purpose of our own, unless we hold onto our "sacrifices" and pet them and protect them, keep them safe inside a bubble of longing and regret.
My dear sisters-in-motherhood, I submit unto you that anything that was good about you or within you before you became a mother is still there, still good. Still YOU. So pick it up, dust it off, and use it! What are you waiting for? That singing voice that caused audiences to cheer--it is not wasted on lullabies. That ability to memorize Shakespearean sonnets and the periodic table? It will come in handy. A strong stomach for investigating crime scenes? A knife-edged discernment meting out justice and mercy in the same swoop? Oh yeah, both of those are gonna come in handy. Promise.
And our bad parts? The selfish, impatient, short-tempered side that children somehow magically magnify? Maybe that's what the Apostle Paul meant when he told Timothy "she shall be saved in childbearing" (I Tim 2:15). Children are amazing creatures, full of our best hopes, intentions, and ambitions. Maybe it is that when we nurture them in joy, in wholehearted delight and utter abandon, maybe that's when the slate is wiped clean. Maybe that's our second chance. (Or our third, fourth, fifth...some of us need lots of chances! sigh...) Maybe if we aren't finding joy in motherhood....maybe that's the only way to do it wrong.
And so.
Hello, I'm Sarah. I'm the mother of five amazing and beautiful souls. I'm just a mother. It's what I always wanted to be, it's all I know how to be. My kids are my life, and it is a rich, full life. I have no other ambition for my life. I am blessed.
*her name wasn't Pam. And she wasn't a veterinarian. But the rest is true, I swear!
